On Becoming a Mother

Once there was a newborn child. She was helpless; innocent, delicate. Her parents attended to her needs not just during those times when she cried helplessly, but every minute of her life until she passed childhood, adolescence, teenage and young adulthood.

She was like us today- capable of feeling the desire to belong, passionate about life, and above all uncertain of what might the future has in store. However, unlike our age, she did not have the ample time to avail of the glowing education we now have because back during her time, only the males were allowed by most parents to enroll in schools.

So, she ended up unfinished in her elementary studies and lo! She find no regrets because just in time, she met this man who made her heart beat not in typical way. To make the story short, she ended up living in with this man, which is a couple of years older than her. (Not bad, right? Besides, age doesn't matter.)

Their relationships were time-tested. But as the test of the times became much and much heavier....they also were growing-both in maturity and in age:) Eventually, she performed all the duties of a wife, and they lived happily.


They were blessed to have five diligent, industrious, studious, and respectful children- three versus two (female vs male) :-) They were an ideal family- not in terms of finances, but in terms of how love, care, and respect were shown in each of them.

Not until his husband got sick, so sick that he stopped from working was she forced to perform the duty as a breadwinner as well to the family. Then her husband's sickness got worst. This led her to double her time-  attend to their kids' needs and her husband's needs and at the same time work hard enough to meet both ends in order for their family's survival. For more than five years, this was the case.

Then it ended one day- sometime in April 2007. It all started just a matter of five days after their second eldest son delivered his valedictory speech in high school. Her husband died. Then life became miserably unbearable, at least that's how their children characterize what happened from then.

It was indeed a challenge to start all anew. She showed how it takes to be a strong woman- and people admired her.

But something went wrong. Really wrong. Nevertheless, I opted not to include it in this writing because whatever had happened. That belonged to the past. What is more important is what we have now. And our mother is all we have as of now. And we respect her, she has our high respects for her. Above all, we LOVE her.

Life is filled with uncertainties. You can never know what the future has in store. You will never know what challenges you ought to face. You will never have what you used to have in the past when you lost it. What is certain is that every decision you make counts much into the kind of future that you will have.

:)

Missing my Papa

I hope I can still hear his voice. 
 I wish I can still listen to his praises.
I pray I can still hug him.

He was just an ordinary man. A typical father per se. But he has a dream, a great ambition.

The ambition was not plainly for himself, but for the sake of his family. I can still remember him brag to his barkadas that someday, his son will become a notable person in our place. That someday, his son will elate the family to a better life. That someday, his children will not be like them anymore, totally opposite from the illiteracy and dirty jobs attached to them. 

That was my "Papa."

He was just a typical father, yes. But he was the greatest man I've ever known compared to Galileo, Isaac Newton, Neil Armstrong or whosoever!

He was a man with dignity, a man of reputable principle; one who fought what was right and what was morally accepted. Above all, he was more than a typical father as he provided us our needs, played at times, and disciplined us well.  He even attended regular meetings in school every time the PTCA called for one. And he was always present and interacted with people.

The wrinkled brown, yet dignified face he possessed is still vividly registered in my memory. He was a great man. He's the greatest man I looked up to.

Papa loved us. I can feel it though he never uttered those words to us.

I can still remember the laughter, the joy, the smile in our faces every time he used to play fun with all of us, his 5 children. 

But all these are plain memories now. I cannot have his tangible presence with us. I can no longer hear his voice. I can no longer listen to his praises and encouragement. I can no longer have him back. He is gone.Gone.

I always feel disadvantaged upon seeing children who still have their parents close with them. 

To see a child whose father or a mother accompanying him or her to school, or playing with them in a park, is a scene irritating my eyes. 

Right there and then, I shed a river of tears because I never had the chance to experience those basic needs of a child an now, I have been acting as the father in the family, in his place. 

I am in grief because I never had the chance to tell him how proud we were to be his children! Yes, still in grief for losing those meaningful and once in a lifetime opportunity to make him feel we are proud he was our father!

I never had the opportunity to let him know how much we care for him; that we were so lucky to have him as our Papa. I never had the opportunity to give him what he deserve to have. I never had the opportunity to show him my achievements and to tell him, all along, Mama and him are our inspiration!

The time he spent with us was so short. But I sincerely hoped he was once happy in his life to have us. 

I still believe that someday, we will cross our ways together. Surely not on this world but the life after this. There, we will surely let him know those unspoken words that we, his family had always wanted him to know. 

We love you Papa! 

Adios.